By Jon Winokur
A compilation of grouchy and hilarious quips and quotations which may make an attractive bedside better half for someone who has suffered the discomfiture of being in or out of affection. Such outspoken iconoclasts as Sigmund Freud and Woody Allen are quoted on issues comparable to courting and marriage.
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Copyright 1995 through Eugene Anthony
In the event you ve ever been requested to calculate the reside load for a herd of elephants. .. when you ve ever equipped a sand fort to review soil mechanics. .. if you happen to ve ever needed to choose from your date and your favourite bridge. .. . .. Brian Brenner has written the ebook for you. Bridginess: extra of the Civil Engineering existence unearths Brenner turning his pen and his signature wit to the topics of city sprawl, airport infrastructure making plans, and, in fact, bridges.
Additional resources for A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love
So, the next Saturday night, Evan asked to get off early from his dishwashing shift at Hooters. I was working in the front of the kitchen and spotted him on his way out. He was covered in dishwater and looked like he had fallen on a grenade filled with hot sauce and blue cheese dip. ” “Yeah,” he replied, half asleep. “I smell, like, really gross. I should probably shower,” he added. And off he went. When I got off work a few hours later, I crawled out of my disgusting Hooters uniform and drove home shirtless, in an effort to prevent my car from smelling like chicken and hot garbage.
I told everyone I got mono from this stewardess. You know why? Because I couldn’t believe a woman that attractive would be with a guy like me, so much that I was bragging about getting goddamned mono. Then I went into the hospital with fucking Guillain-Barré syndrome, and it was a whole mess, and I almost died. Anyway, my point is: It took me a long, long time to realize that I was worth a damn to women. ” Evan and I glanced at each other, unsure if we were supposed to comment on our dad’s anecdote.
The field’s the other way,” I said. “We’re picking up Roger. He’s gonna play with us,” he said. Roger was the weirdest kid on the team by far. He smelled horrible, like rotten fruit mixed with Old Spice. He was actually a pretty good pitcher, but he’d have mental breakdowns in the middle of innings and completely implode. ” I asked. “I’m teaching you pitching. He’s the other pitcher on the team. Figured I’d teach you both at the same time,” he said. We stopped in front of an apartment where Roger was waiting.
A Curmudgeon's Garden of Love by Jon Winokur